So, since last week's post, I've been having a bit of an identity rift. As expected, I guess. I have determined some things:
1) The transformation switch is not a switch.
2) Using the cane full-time is still too emotionally hazardous for me.
3) But I will continue to use it at night, in unfamiliar cities, and also now at readings and when trail-walking in the park b/c that was unexpectedly helpful.
4) I now have a better understanding of what I will need to accomplish, in my psyche, before I am ready for full-time caning.
5) I'm a striver. It's who I am. Always trying for the next thing. But it would be really great if I could love the person that I am right now, in this moment, and the next, and the next, and the next, as they occur, without putting any adjectives or judgments on that person.
That is all.